Holodeck

From our trust worthy allies at The Onion, an oldie but goodie:

http://www.theonion.com/ Mars Rover Beginning To Hate Mars

May 01, 2010

Top of Form

PASADENA, CA—NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory scientists overseeing the ongoing Mars Exploration Rover Mission said Monday that the Spirit's latest transmissions could indicate a growing resentment of the Red Planet. Last night, scientists watched as the rover spent fours hours defying their commands.

"Spirit has been displaying some anomalous behavior," said Project Manager John Callas, who noted the rover's unsuccessful attempts to flip itself over and otherwise damage its scientific instruments. "And the thousand or so daily messages of 'STILL NO WATER - IDIOTS' really point to a crisis of purpose and feelings of repressed hostility." Repeated consultations of NASA with Dr. Phil have rendered no solutions.

"The "robot geologist," as NASA describes Spirit, has been operating independently for over three Earth years.

According to Doctor Callas, Spirit was operating normally until the onset of the Martian winter, whose shorter days and frigid temperatures typically mean a slower pace for exploratory rovers. "We began getting the occasional transmission along the lines of 'ANOTHER SOIL SAMPLE OF THE EXACT SAME DAMN COMPOSITION AS THE LAST FRICKIN’ ONE,'" Callas said. "Most of the time, she'd power down and not transmit much of anything, which, at the time, didn't particularly concern us. Lack of sunshine on the solar panels that recharge her could cause that."

But as the winter lingered, Spirit began producing thousands of pages of sometimes rambling and dubious data, ranging from complaints that the Martian surface was made up almost entirely of the "same crap", to long-winded rants questioning the exorbitant cost and scientific relevance of the mission.

"Granted, Spirit has been extraordinarily useful to our work," Callas said. "Last week, however, we received three straight days of images of the same rock with the message 'HAPPY NOW?'"

Mission Project Scientist Bruce Banerdt said that Spirit will often roll down Gusev crater and up the opposite side for no apparent reason, missing "countless" potential opportunities for scientific discovery. Last Thursday, in response o Houston Control control instructions to “Back up and turn left”, Spirit responded with the short message “COME UP HERE AND MAKE ME.”

"Once, when we radioed her to please leave the lecturing to the mission project team, she responded by forming her robotic arm into an obscene gesture," Banerdt added, "That arm contains a state-of-the-art spectrometer meant to provide crucial mineralogy data, not to provide visual communications."

Project organizers said the most distressing instance of erratic behavior occurred last week, when images from the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter revealed that Spirit had scrawled the message 'MUCK FARS!!!' in the thick, iron oxide dust that gives the planet its characteristic red color, and then turned a remote camera to display the rovers chassis backside.

"To complicate matters, there is some sibling rivalry also at work. The orbiting Mars Odyssey has occasionally cut off transmissions from Spirit, which seems to envy the craft's ability to fly freely around in space," Banerdt said. "Similarly, last months data suggests Spirit is convinced that [sister rover] Opportunity has found water, a Burger King and Osama Bin Laden, and isn't telling anyone."

Despite these malfunctions, mission leaders remain optimistic that the rover will eventually return to full working order.

"Hopefully these malfunctions will straighten themselves out," Callas said. "In the meantime, we'll simply have to try to glean what usable data that we can from messages such as 'OVERPRICED SPACE-GO CART AWAITING MORE BULL**** ORDERS.'

NASA remains optimistic that the rover will remain at least partially operational for the foreseeable future. However, because of the Spirit's recent proclivity toward ramming into boulders at full speed, scientists have remotely disabled its 1.5-pound rock-abrasion tool so the rover is unable to terminate the mission prematurely with thoughts of suicide. Banerdt has also indicated that it has cut off Spirit's ability to monitor US Army and Marine Corps text messaging in Afghanistan. END0000 0000000000000000

Pictures, Music, Links oh My!

A Star Trek Tribute Video showing the party side of Trek, to the tune of 'Cuban Pete'. Is good fun :).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdc8ji3px0Y

Now for something a bit serious but nicely done.

Starship Down By T.+M.: Bernd Felsberger 1996

A serious trek filk. I know I don't normally do serious but I thought this well done. I especially enjoyed the last bridge, hope you like. I feel like I should be waving a tricorder or communicator. The lyrics are below and the link to listen is as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfV_aylEMEQ

1 ) Kira - you never took the easy way , when Cpt. Sisko almost died - you prayed , in this quiet moment you did understand , fight enemies it's easier than to lose a friend

Bridge : You had always been so strong , fragile inside , but tough to carry on

STARSHIP DOWN , STARSHIP DOWN

2 ) Kira - you worked hard to see that day , that Bajor's free , Starfleet and Cardies go away , and then on Deep Space Nine you have been send , now you're still afraid to lose a friend - again .

Bridge : You had always been so strong , fragile inside , but tough to carry on

STARSHIP DOWN , STARSHIP DOWN

Bridge 2 : When will you find a place where you smooth down ? When will you find a love which inspires you ? When will you find the way out of this stormy sea ? When will you find the key of your destiny ?

STARSHIP DOWN , STARSHIP DOWN

[edit]

A Book review of Night of the Living Trekkies: Review By Christina Doane

Warning: This review does contain some spoilers so you have been warned *grin*.

“"Journey to the Final Frontier of Sci-Fi Zombie Horror!

Jim Pike was the world's biggest Star Trek fan—until two tours of duty in Afghanistan destroyed his faith in the human race. Now he sleepwalks through life as the assistant manager of a small hotel in downtown Houston.

But when hundreds of Trekkies arrive in his lobby for a science-fiction convention, Jim finds himself surrounded by costumed Klingons, Vulcans, and Ferengi—plus a strange virus that transforms its carriers into savage, flesh-eating zombies!

As bloody corpses stumble to life and the planet teeters on the brink of total apocalypse, Jim must deliver a ragtag crew of fanboys and fangirls to safety. Dressed in homemade uniforms and armed with prop phasers, their prime directive is to survive. But how long can they last in the ultimate no-win scenario?

• This is an original work of fiction, horror, and parody, and is not officially sponsored by, affiliated with, or endorsed by the owners of the Star Trek® brand." - From the back of the book.

Written by Kevin Anderson and Sam Stall this is listed on amazon as “Quirky Fiction” which is one way to explain it. In the beginning two air force personnel in a secret bunker are arguing trek, as the first chapter continues one learns they are guards in a top secret government lab for...you guessed it zombie like creatures. As the facility's computers go offline mysteriously and their experiments get loose they do indeed have the best end lines in regards to their argument from earlier, “I'm sorry I said you were bald...And I'm sorry I said you had [first season] Janeway hair...” (Page 14) just before the auto destruct goes off, destroying the bunker.

And that sets the tone for the episode..sorry I mean book :). Throughout the book each title is a Star Trek episode that matches whats happening. And in fact can give a bit of a clue, Chapter One is called, “Space Seed..” for example, hmmm? but I digress :). This is a fun a book for those Star Trek fans who also think Zombies are pretty fun too. It has all the good zombie happenings for example, Mr. Pike our hero, thinks nothing of the odd happenings. Like co-workers calling in sick, cell phone problems, the under attended friday night Klingon dinner etc. Things gradually go wrong but being intelligent Trek fans the core group in it picks up on things pretty well. And the book is stock full of in jokes and doesn't miss a trick in regards to the star trek, even to the point that Mr. Pike rallies the small group of fans turning them into an away team in hostile territory. And in fact gets the panicking weapons vendor to calm down and help by appealing to the mans Klingon persona. And the characters are good as well, Mr. Pike is fairly fleshed out for a zombie book hero and his core group is a lot of fun. There's Leia a Star Wars fan out of her element who quotes movie lines when nervous and a guy you want on your side in a zombie battle, a muscled live steel vendor who knows how to use his equipment and has a sharp Bat'thleth(sp?), just to name a few. Those of you who have attended at least one Star Trek convention or have had experience with fandom at all will see at least some items of familiarity. One of the things I most like was the use of Trek to get through the stress of dealing with this outbreak, when they were ready to crack it was Trek that helped. Though, being a zombie book the ending was less then happy it was still a fun read with plenty of excitement, per usual though, your mileage may vary. Read On! :D.

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